There is no sense in fighting it now. I bide my time to ignore the time that passes by too quickly... what else can I do?
I do not feel afraid, yet I feel there much to be cautious about. Entering the world, if only for a short while before yet even more schooling, to sow my oats.
Having somewhat grown up feelings about the current romantic situation I am in--which, is also somewhat foreign for someone who has not had the interest to engage in romance for quite some time (hopefully, I have not forgotten). I still have my reservations... I hope I am proven wrong. I can only do what I can do, and wait for the rest to fall in place.
I will be living with someone whom I have been friends with for years, but the prospect of not really knowing her frightens me. We have so much in common, and perhaps even more not. It should be fine...
Delaying even more the hunt for a means of living... maybe I can get by with a silly and fun thing rather than a serious 9-to-5, one can only hope.
Yes. I am almost there...
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Trust
... what a concept
Incredulously the question is raised in the faintest whisper, "Can it be?" No answer seems to satisfy the urgent curiosity... every explanation falls short, creating an ever expanding universe of more uncertainty.
"Trust in me," they say, but what do they know? Who can be sure that they even trust in themselves, let alone trust in their abilities to harness enough constraint to trust themselves with another's feelings. To fight their most primal urges, to consider another before themselves... it's just so unnatural.
Is it? Oh, how I have searched within myself for the slightest indication that I too can be trusted... but in the end, it is all about self-preservation. And to preserve myself, is to be by myself--and even then, I do not trust myself with loving you.
But mostly, I do not trust you, loving me.
... and I know love is to be taken on faith, but years of disappointment has left my faith weak.
Seeing is believing.
Incredulously the question is raised in the faintest whisper, "Can it be?" No answer seems to satisfy the urgent curiosity... every explanation falls short, creating an ever expanding universe of more uncertainty.
"Trust in me," they say, but what do they know? Who can be sure that they even trust in themselves, let alone trust in their abilities to harness enough constraint to trust themselves with another's feelings. To fight their most primal urges, to consider another before themselves... it's just so unnatural.
Is it? Oh, how I have searched within myself for the slightest indication that I too can be trusted... but in the end, it is all about self-preservation. And to preserve myself, is to be by myself--and even then, I do not trust myself with loving you.
But mostly, I do not trust you, loving me.
... and I know love is to be taken on faith, but years of disappointment has left my faith weak.
Seeing is believing.
Sunday, March 01, 2009
Self-fulfilling Prophecy
I hate it when I'm right.
I just wanted to be proven wrong. Of course, even that is just too much to ask for.
Couldn't there have been just a little more depth than that?
So damn predictable.
I'm so tired of this roundabout.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
