Slow ride

Take it easy.

Sometimes it is best to not think so far ahead--sometimes it is best to not think so much at all. Let's try to remember that. Here's hoping to not over analyzing; that goes for the both of...
I better be keeping tabs on how honest I am being with myself.

The new year is looming near, and as with every year that passes, it went by too quickly. A lot has changed and a lot has stayed the same.

Of 2008:

• Learning to never drink a Jagerbomb, even if it is my birthday or not.
• Dance all the time.
• Always have fun where ever you go, who ever you're with... life is too short to worry about the negative things.
• Good friends, a bed, dvds of canceled tv shows, and some chocolate is kind of like warm fuzzy kitten.
• I actually like to cuddle... just with the right people I guess. I am some sort of a cuddle snob?
• People change when you don't expect them to and people don't change when you want them to.
• There are so many things in life that are free and totally priceless.
• I have it pretty good... I should start appreciating that.
• Two wrongs don't make a right--but there's room for forgiveness, isn't there?
• Go for the things you believe in; you'll end up going crazy about thinking about it unless you just go all in, even if you end up losing.
• Pride doesn't really have a place in matters of the heart... the heart wants what it wants. No matter how much you reason, it doesn't change.
• I love my friends because they listen, despite even the redundancy.
• It is easier than people think to get into "VIP"
• Yes we can.
• Ladies' night at a sushi bar is almost the best thing in the world. Except for the manager that I blew off more than once for a date and probably hates me now... so it's awkward to go back there.
• Whoa, am I going to graduate?

Slow your roll

Well, it has been a hell of a week.

I wonder when exactly it will happen? Will it be too late? With every moment that passes, without closure or some resolution, my resolve wanes. Logic starts to take over, and the heart is faint. The cynic that I try not to be reveals the silliness of my plans to forget the past, start fresh, want something from where right now, it is comfortably nothing... is it really comfortable? I haven't been able to sit inside my skin for quite some time now.

I don't really know what I want.
Some company would be nice.
Nothing has to be set in stone;
I've been treading on thin ice
to avoid the inevitable plunge.
I dive in, whatever the price.
What is waiting there for me?
c'mon, let's try it once, twice.

Keeping busy; going out every night, sleeping all day. I won't do this much longer. A new year is coming on, and I am about to celebrate my birthday. It's been such an interesting year--'cause time changes, love changes, and best friends become strangers--I think I have done some changing too. I can't really be sure if it's because I'm growing up or regressing. One thing is clear, it's not enough... I need more change.

And I don't know anymore if what I thought I felt so strongly about doing is actually a good idea. I've always been the type to go for what I think is worth it and to go about obtaining it with tenacity, but...

Time for me to slow my roll.

Or maybe I just think too much. My impulse control can be a pain in the ass sometimes.

Touch Me

Sometimes, we just need to feel the warmth of another's
touch; don't over-think it--just take the bit
that is given to you by the stranger
who offers up the goods. Who said I should
want anything more?

I...

am fortune's fool.

and so,
I have spent this time convincing myself that I,
of course, am not affected. By and by,
I am the unforgiving and the immune.
But still, too soon
do these lingering feelings become
something I do not own.
My will is not to my bidding;
you call, and with feigned disinterest I still come willing
to your side. I know well enough
that with you still present it will be tough
to fully realize a life without the music and lights;
I have come to know this tonight.

My pride had been offended so greatly:
I did something to make you hurt the same.
Yes, it was merely a game
of which I am just beginning to see
was not worth playing.



Yes, I know.
You are no good for me:
you are exactly what I do not need.
For I am sure of what I want from you,
but you fail to follow through.
It is a mere condition of mismatch and misfortune,
oh how inopportune
that you should have come into my life
and leave me so unsatisfied.

O, wilst thou leave me so unsatisfied?
I guess the answer lies
in the silence your actions thus far.
You were never one for acts of grandeur.

And I know;
I did not want a second go
at it.
But maybe I did.
Maybe it is merely that you stopped trying
and that is driving
me to think I do.
I really am fortune's fool.

Just a little bit

There will always be bits and pieces of me floating around...

I think I've found a new home for now.

My feelings have always been deep-seated in the form of prose and poetry,
come visit my history...


2008-2004

2004-2001

The last eight years of my life,
all the glory and the strife,
recorded for all the world to see;
and maybe gain some clarity.